Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Walt Stoneburner's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 12th, 2008
7:36 pm	I was pwned by an 8 year old. Yes, it's true. I was pwned by an 8 year old. I went to visit my niece this weekend; we were out in the court to try her new Estes Hydrogen Fuel Rocket. This thing is amazing as it is educational. It splits water into hydrogen and oxygen, and then electronically ignites the gases in an enclosed space, sending a rocket soaring into the air 200 feet or more. No special igniters. No solid fuel cells. In other words: safe, reusable, fun. Well, right in the middle of the launch sequence, she looks at me and asks, "is that your phone ringing?" I was pretty sure I had my phone on vibrate, but I pulled it out to double check. "Nope..." Before I could continue, she said, "It must be mine," and she pulled out a cell phone from her back pocket, nods that it was her, opens it, and excuses herself to take the call, stepping back toward her driveway. Meanwhile, the rocket was still bubbling and the launch pad was spewing out verbal facts about Hydrogen. But I wasn't paying attention. I was trying to figure out if she had her mom's cell, but she didn't. It certainly wasn't a toy. And at that point, I'm pondering between the wisdom of giving a child a cell phone to call home or be reached, versus the certain insanity that would result come billing cycle if a child didn't understand cell plans. She comes back, closing the cell phone and putting it in her pocket, "it was my friend; she was letting me know she's has a sleep over. Where are we at in the launch?" I had to pause, we weren't at the launch phase yet, "Uh, maybe another minute." I was still thrown off guard that she was that entrusted. Then I got to thinking, why don't I have her number? Or why doesn't she have mine, for that matter. "What's you number?" I asked. "Huh?" She shrugged. "I dunno." Ah! Perhaps that what the parents did. They got some special plan where she can receive inbound calls or something. Now I was determined to figure out what it was. "Do you have my number in your phone?" She thought for a moment. "No, I don't think so." "You want it?" "Sure!" I pull out my cell phone, retrieve my number and show it to her. "I don't know how to add it to my address book." Fine, what I was really after was her number. I'd get her to call me, caller ID would save the number, and I'd save it. "Can I get you to call me." "Ok." She looks at my number, types it in, and holds the phone up to her ear. My phone's dead and lifeless. "Ring ring." She says, waiting. I'm still waiting for the call to connect. "Ring ring." She's looking impatient. Still nothing. Before I can deduce that perhaps she misdialed the number, she starts giggling. "Why aren't you answering?" "My phone isn't ringing." "Yes it is, I'm saying 'Ring ring'." Then it hits me, her parents gave her a dead cell phone to play with. And at this point she realizes I thought she was serious the whole time and bursts into laughter at my foolishness. "I thought you said you had a cell phone!" I exclaimed, trying to dig myself of out the trap with a logical justification. "I do," she said, "my parents gave it to me." And with that, I realized I'd been set up from the beginning. She hit the fire button, and the rocket shot upwards with a loud bang, startling me. I had been paying more attention to the phones than the rocket. Clever kid. More at the WaltOMatic Current Mood: geeky Current Music: "Can You Hear Me" by The Towers (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
10:52 am	Never Visit the DMV Again! When it comes to describing the DMV, Dane Cook's description perhaps does the most justice. That said, I went in to renew my license today. It was my third try. The first time I went to the DMV in Sterling, and it had a line of people wrapped around the building, despite the website saying it was a 21 minute wait. So I threw in the towel. Yesterday, I took off work to go visit, only to discover that they were closed on President's day. Something about the empty parking lot should have clued me in. Today, I went to the one in Leesburg, VA, and was quite surprised to find the parking lot was pretty sparse. It seems the advice of the day is wait until the day after a federal holiday, then go to the DMV. Your co-workers will be putting in face-time immediately after a holiday, and that's enough to thin things out in the morning. As I got there, there was a lady in a leopard coat trying to pull her huge SUV out of a parking space, but was having problems turning the steering wheel one handed while she talked on the cell phone. This just cements what's wrong with drivers these days. As I entered the building, a kid walked out cursing he hated the place. But my experience was much different. I have to give the DMV credit where credit is due, and don't think saying that doesn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I was second in line at the Information center, and with two windows open was seen immediately. I got my number, and no sooner than it was literally in my hand, several windows down immediately called it. The information person walked me to the correct window. All I said was "I'm here to renew my license and possibly get a vision test," and instantly I had a form in front of me, highlighted fields, was handed a pen, and I filled in out in 30 seconds. The vision test was immediate and consisted of reading 12 characters and detecting blinking LEDs. Done. Passed. Finished. I handed over a crisp $20 bill, got a receipt, and was told I'd have my picture taken in a moment. I barely had time to take my coat off. The picture was digital, and therefore quick. The license was printed and handed to me, and I was out before I knew it. I then looked down at my license, jumped in the air, and clicked my heels. Why? I WILL NEVER HAVE TO VISIT THE DMV EVER AGAIN!!! The renewal date for my license is 2013. And we all know the world ends on Dec 21st, 2012. More humor and photos on the WaltOMatic... Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: "Never Again" by I'm Outta Here (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
11:13 pm	What was VDOT thinking?! I kid you not. I took this picture today in my neighborhood. Who designed this intersection? More weird photos I've taken are waiting at the Walt-O-Matic Current Music: "Quick Stop" by Left Turn (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 28th, 2007
1:28 pm	Japanese Steakhouse: "I could do that myself!" There's a fairly large chance that you've been to a Japanese Steakhouse before. You know the kind, where you sit down at a huge flat grill, the chef comes out and whips knives and spatulas around his fingers, throws food here and there, and you've got yourself a meal. When it comes to the part with tricks using fire, I've often thought: "I could do that myself!" And I'd be wrong. Last night I ( [Oh dear God, read more...] ) Current Mood: relieved Current Music: "Hold My Hand" by First Degree (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
3:08 pm	Status Off-Line: Co-worker Panics Those who know me have come to terms that I'm interfaced into the Internet almost in real time. eMail is always the best way to reach me. When I'm sitting in front of a terminal, whether for work or pleasure, numerous chat clients are active in the background. Even away from a machine, my phones and automated scripts keep some kind of virtual presence active of one form or another. As a result, friends, family, and co-workers can see my status, location, and reach me with impressively short response times. Today something interesting happened. Last night, I was working on a fairly complicated piece of code and had set up a rather complex environment that I didn't want to have to reinitialize in the morning. Rather than shutting down the machine, I took all my instant messaging clients off-line, and this morning I didn't start them up, relying on the built-in chat facilities of Google's GMail. However, as I was researching, I accidentally closed the GMail window unknowingly, and to the Internet, I went dark. I had not realized how connected I had become, using chat and emails as a primary means for others to reach me. Well, that was until a co-worker came rushing in to see if I was alright with genuine concern. He was fairly certain I was in the next room, his email didn't get a near instant reply, and there was no way to reach me interactively. For anyone else, this would have been no big deal. However, my heart was warmed by this sincere response. Yes, folks. If my Borg-like collections goes down, please check on me. I might have died or be in need of immediate medical attention. More Humor at the Walt-O-Matic Current Mood: thankful Current Music: "Alive And Well" by Still Kickin' (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
11:36 pm	Apparently, I Like My Women Dressed This morning as I was leaving the house to go to work, I gave the wife a hug and a kiss goodbye. And let me tell you, she smelled awesome. So, I stuck around an extra minute. “You smell fantastic! What are you wearing?” I asked, plowing my nose behind her ear. She thought, “Uh, nothing. Maybe it’s the laundry?” I smelled the fabric of her soft shirt. Instantly the scent of wild flowers, babbling brooks, and summer breezes sent me reeling into fond memories. Without thinking, I replied “Yup. That’s it. You should wear clothes more often!” She went red. Apparently I like my women dressed. I didn’t know that about myself. More Humor at the Walt-O-Matic Current Mood: chipper Current Music: "Scent of a woman" by Intake (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 10th, 2007
12:08 am	A First Grade Observation So some of our really cool friends who live in the neighborhood hold this amazing backyard party each year, in which they rent an enormous water slide that's about as tall as their two story house. The day after the party, their real friends head back over to help clean up. And that was what we were doing tonight. As it started to rain outside, we all gathered the external lights, furniture, food, tables, and so forth. I made a run for a huge extension cord, feeling that electricity and water wouldn't mix. Their little girl decided to help me. And, while untangling the cord, she engages me in the most adult conversation that I've had with her in the past three years. She begins, "So, how come you didn't go down the water slide with me?" "Well, we had some friends come over, and they wanted to talk." "I know. That's all you do guys do is talk. It's so boring." Remembering this feeling exactly while I was a kid, I thought I'd get her perspective. "Yeah, I know - what should we be doing?" She paused, placing her finger on her chin. "I think you should do video games and play board games more." With a look that I had been given total enlightenment, I replied: "Oh my gosh, I feel like I've just been wasting my whole life away." "I know," she agreed a little too quickly. "Where's you learn all this?" She puffed out her six year old chest with pride. "I'm in the first grade." And as I took in her achievement, she added "Yes, it's true. I graduated from pre-school. I'm very, very smart." And together we wrapped up the rest of the cord, she carried it in, and I went down stairs to play video games with the adults. Honest to God, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. More at the Walt-O-Matic Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Slip and Slide" by Get On With Life (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
11:33 pm	The Safeway to Apologize Recently we went to Colorado to visit my sister who was having her second baby. Our job was to babysit her 21 month old, while she did the hard work at the hospital. They were very kind in lending us their hybrid van and a baby seat, which allowed us to trek around town without being stuck in the comfort of a custom built home, trapped on mountain with spontaneously visiting wildlife, surrounded by nature and vast scenic panoramic views. My dad sent an email asking if we could pick up a box of nice chocolate, so that when my sister got home from the hospital, she'd have something to enjoy. Sure, we could do that. Perfect excuse to ride into town. So, we put the toddler in the van and drove to Safeway. Now in Colorado, it's dry. Very dry. So you have to drink a lot of water to stay hydrated. As such, my wife sent me on a mission to get the chocolate, while she hunted down the facilities. So, I pushed the baby over to the candy aisle, then the cooking aisle, then the checkout counters, ...no boxed chocolate to be found. Then it hit me: try the florist. As I got near the section, the toddler went nuts as we passed the stuffed animals. However, as we got closer, it was quite clear his real interest was in the balloons. And, since we already had a four foot mylar balloon tied to the shopping cart, I figured I'd head right to the service desk where I abruptly startled a woman cutting flowers that didn't see me coming. "Excuse me." "Wha?! Oh, yes. May I help you?" "I hope so. I'm looking for boxed chocolates." "Did you try the candy aisle? We sell flowers, here." "Yes, I tried that, but no boxed sets. So I thought I'd have better luck here." "Why would you say that?" "Because this is the general 'apology' section, is it not?" She pondered for a moment what I was getting at, and then the image of chocolates and flowers together hit her. "Oooooh!" she smiled, "What exactly are you apologizing for?" I couldn't help myself. It was evil. It was wrong. I looked at the toddler, then back at her, and said: "I thought it was your turn to use the contraceptive." ...she personally led me to the most expensive boxed chocolates at the front of the store. More at the Walt-O-Matic Current Music: "Is it mine" by Latex (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:09 pm	iPee True story. I was standing at a urinal when my iPhone rings. Now, normally I don't answer the phone while in a restroom, but I was curious as to who was calling me as I haven't made the number widely public yet. A huge green banner said it was my wife. It was at that moment I woke up. Or, more accurately, half-way woke up. It was the middle of the night, I was under the covers, and when I turned my head, I could clearly see my wife sound asleep, and beyond her, my iPhone sitting in the charger, dark. Yet, still half asleep, I could still 'hear' my iPhone ringing in my dream. Curious now as to what would happen, I decided as an experiment to answer it. I closed my eyes and instantly I was back in the dream in front of the urinal holding the phone. I touched the answer button, lifted the phone to my face, and crystal clear I heard my wife say, very annoyed at me: "Clearly, you aren't getting the symbolism here." And then she abruptly hung up on me. So, I put the iPhone in my pocket, woke up, and made my way to the rest room. [Is this the first recorded iDream?] More at the Walt-O-Maic Current Mood: confused Current Music: "I just called, to say..." by Wetter and Wetter (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 9th, 2007
9:59 pm	Conversation at Borders I'm in the Art section of Borders, and I walk in on a conversation that's just starting between some guy who's failing miserably at hitting on a college girl... Guy: "You look like you're angry." Girl: "You can tell I'm not angry, because I'm not sketching." "You sketch when you're angry?" "Yeah. If I'm mad at somebody, I draw a picture of them on a bus heading to hell." "Hell?" "Sometimes Ohio." (pregnant pause) "Have you ever thought that might be a serious sign of a repressed mental illness?" "Maybe. But, I really hate Ohio." More at the Walt-O-Matic Current Mood: mellow Current Music: "Last Stop", By All Are Bored (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
7:46 pm	Banging Binoculars The other night my seven year old niece came over and wanted to do some star gazing, so I grabbed my nice pair of binoculars, handed them to her, and we headed outside. As we were walking through the front door, she bumped them against the door frame pretty hard. Now these are fairly expensive optics, and perhaps I should have known better. I didn't say anything, but it must have been obvious from the brief sharp squint on my face that I had concern, as Madison looked up and apologized without prompting: "Uncle Walt, I'm really sorry I bumped your binoculars. I didn't mean to." She paused for reflection, "I think it happened because I wasn't paying attention." I was impressed by this very forthright and honest assessment on her part. "Are you paying attention now?" She thought for a second, "I'd like to think so." Ah, if only we all could have this kind of open dialog at work. Current Mood: happy Current Music: "I See Stars" by Cracked Glass (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
8:32 am	Poll: The Better Society For some strange reason, the time-line splits and two parallel universes unfold. What's curious about it is how crime differs. In 'Universe A' the crime rate is low save the infrequent incident of a gut wrenching severe violent crime -- you can walk the streets at night, leave your doors unlocked, but once in a while the newspaper releases a report about a bloody murder, violent rape attack, or child been beaten. In 'Universe B' the average crime rate is considerably higher, but there are no major incidents of violent crime -- homes get frequently burgled, discard drug needles in public parks are common place, shoplifting is rampant, office workers have stories of their cars getting stolen, but the extreme stuff just very rarely happens. Poll: In which universe would you rather live? Current Mood: curious Current Music: "Here or There" by Though Choices (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
5:41 pm	The real root. In my prior entry, I asked for some recommendations for a romance novel; I'm aware a lot of them are trash, but wanted to know if anyone had a particularly good read they enjoyed. This, however, spured off some very interesting comments. And, unfortunately, Live Journal has a length limit on comments. whingnut presented a very interesting take. I wanted to make sure it got a response that wasn't artifically truncated. ( Click here to see the response. ) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
6:23 pm	Looking for a good romance trash novel. Recommendations? Guys are visually stimulated; open a centerfold, and a women doesn't get it. Women are more scenario based; open a trashy romance novel, and a man doesn't get it. Well, I wanna see what all the fuss is about. I wanna read a trashy romance novel. Any recommendations? I only want to read one... so make it good. Current Music: "You wanna what?" by Read To Me (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
7:08 pm	Nick Bites Me Uh,... OW! Current Mood: shocked Current Music: "Hunk of Flesh" by Thumb Bite (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
9:45 pm	A Summer Walk A chorus of crickets ushered in dusk, and the hustle of street traffic draws to a soft whisper. Most of the homes were dark, and the street lamp posts were just starting to flicker to life. The air feels warm, like an embrace. Slight wisps of sulfur could be caught on the breeze, distracting the scent of burning hickory under a platter of ribs from attention. Soft long whistles danced between the playful sounds of distant children signaling when streaks of light are rocketing upwards. Their apex blossoms above the house line, illuminating low clouds with their fiery petals and spiral tendrils. A small flock of birds glides through the smoke, silhouetted against the deep blue sky which grows darker, only to let the twilight of pin lights dance across the heavens. A bunny rans across a yard as the first deep booms echo from over the lake. The sky illuminates in panoramic technicolor. Aerial bursts forth from all directions. Clouds of white smoke roll down the empty streets where the cars used to drive. Repeated percussions rhythm against the windows, twisting their reflections momentarily. Distant cheers lift the dazzling sparkles to new heights. The familiar hush of a water sprinkler silences the booms. The clicking of a playing card in the spokes of a wheel signals the passing of two young girls sharing a bike ride, one carefully balanced behind the other. They ride down the largest hill, peddling as fast as physics allow, enjoying the rush of the wind as they sweep by. The enchanted evening is occasionally punctuated by the infrequent tardy pop or colorful explosion, as I grip my wife's hand and walk her home. 14 years. And never a day of regret. I lay awake on the ground, looking out to the galaxies that are obscured by aftermath of celebration, until eventually the sound of my own breathing is the last thing I hear and the warmth of her breath is the last thing I feel. Day break will rouse me in the morning, but I rest easy -- Tamara's made life a dream. Current Mood: complacent Current Music: "A Walk With Tamara" by The Lake (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
6:01 pm	Watermine and Bombs from Above Today Tamara and I decided to invite a friend to join us at the Watermine, a local swimming hole with a lazy river. I'm glad we had a coupon, because the admission was $13 for each person 48 inches high or above otherwise. I guess we now know the official height one must be in order to be considered an adult. Given that the outside temperature was melting pavement, there were a lot of people there. The primary ride, aside from slides, is the lazy river. It encompasses the swimming pool, taking about 10 minutes to make a full lap in "float mode." The lazy river can be ridden as long as one likes, and to heighten the fun, they throw in inner tubes. Of which there were four. Try as we might, we didn't get one -- that was until one little kid got swept under due to a current (or my foot - though I can't be sure), freeing the raft for the next rider. Me. One thing the trip confirmed for me was that Americans, as a whole, have a serious weight problem. In this environment, I looked like a hulking rock star with ripped abs of steel, and Tamara was an anorexic groupie. I also learned that icebergs are not the only things that show one third of their mass when put in water. There are times one just should not look below the surface of the water, nor look upon what was beached. Unfortunately, we got to do both because thunder sounded in the distance, forcing a 30 minute pool closure and evacuation of the area. This 30 minute counter reset every time there was a thunder clap or lightning strike. And, given that thunder claps were happening every 15 seconds, it was unlikely we were going to return to the pool. We had been there for less than an hour. But luckily, it was possible to get a rain check. It took a quick check with management, a receipt, everyone in our party being present, a wait in line, and a number of thunderclaps to get it to happen. But soon we were leaving with three orange tickets to return sometime later. I got in the car, passenger side, and rolled down the window an inch to let the hot air out. No sooner than we were out of the parking lot and sitting at the first intersection waiting for the light when I felt something fall into my lap. It was wet and gooey. Thought #1: Something had fallen from the visor? However, my bathing suit now had a big purple blotch right next to the crotch. Thought #2: What did they throw at me trying to be funny? This stuff made a horrible mess and splattered all over my suit. Thought #3: The realization as to what had actually happened... A bird had been flying overhead and let fly with a mulberry-poo dropping. The trajectory was high speed and perfect, as it shot though the lone one-inch crack in the window, missing the glass, the roof, and landing squarely in my lap with a startling splatter. This, by the way is not the time to learn you don't have any napkins in the car. This, is also not the time to be in dire need of a restroom. Nor, and I cannot stress this enough, is this the time to discover that your wife is laughing her ass off, while your friend has his cell phone out and is relaying events to his call list. Current Music: "Dropping By" by Wings Above (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 29th, 2006
9:55 pm	Surrounded by Friends... Anyone care to title this? Or this? Current Mood: happy Current Music: "Here We Are" by There We Go (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 26th, 2006
11:01 pm	Conspiracy or Coincidence On Friday, I get a call from a friend -- Microsoft has invalidated his server license without warning. He bought it from Dell, Dell installed the software, he has the paperwork, the receipt, and the hologram on the side of the machine. Sunday, Tamara turns on her XP box and it blue screens at boot. She's furious, and I know first hand she also has a legal copy from Dell. She has been nothing but diligent with anti-virus and spyware. Monday, as we were repairing it, I got a call from my sister. Apparently her system rebooted and blue screened. As it's a 2000 machine, and Microsoft isn't supporting that anymore, this raises new problems. XP Home, of course, ends support at the end of this year. And Vista requires far more computing power than she can afford. We're not sure what she's going to do. As that phone call was ending, I got a call from someone I used to do support for. Her system just locked up and won't boot now. While that was happening, and I swear I'm not making this up, my friend's sister (she does IT for the government) called his cell phone -- her XP system at home just crashed. This is all on the heels of my dad's machine blowing up so that he got a Macbook Pro. ...so five machines in 48 hours... something's up. Has anyone else had a problem? UPDATE 27-Jun-2006: You need to go read this now... MS Adds a Kill Switch UPDATE 28-Jun-2006: Came into work, unprompted, my co-worker reported that his Windows box at home was blue screening at the login screen. It started this weekend. UPDATE 30-JUN-2006 2:18pm: TechDirt reports users are having problems, and Microsoft is being sued over WGA. GrokLaw explains. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: "Blue Scream" by General Protection (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
11:03 am	I've heard this lie before... On the heals of concerns about the insane released Vista hardware requirements, I was reading yesterday that Microsoft is claiming that Vista will be the most secure OS ever. Wasn't that what XP, 2003, 2000, NT 4.0, NT 3.51, ... were supposed to be? Maybe they mean for them, because historically they have never gotten security right. I've heard this lie before, along with the "trust me this time we'll get it right". Can you think of any others? I can. Boyfriend: "I promise, I'll use a condom." Girlfriend: "We can make this work, I'll change." Doctor: "This won't hurt a bit." Car Mechanic: "I'll just check your oil." Fast Food Drive-In: "Your order's correct, I checked personally." RIAA: "No, seriously, it's about the artists." Current Mood: cynical Current Music: "This Time Is Different" by Delusion (3 Comments |Comment on this)